As a new mom, evenings can be rough. A lack of routine can make every night unpredictable. You can look forward to evenings or dread them.
Perhaps you look forward to evening as a sign the day is over. Maybe you dread the sun going down because that means the unpredictable night has arrived.
Will baby sleep tonight? How many times will they want to eat?
Will you sleep? How is tomorrow morning going to feel?
There are ways you can add an element of predictability to your evenings and set yourself up for success the next morning. Implementing an evening routine will help.
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How do routines help me?
Routines help by giving us a plan for how we’ll spend our limited time. This helps reduce decision fatigue and keeps our brains from wondering what is next.
This way, we can lessen our stress response to the unpredictable. Studies have found that a lack of routine is associated with higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. We want to reduce this as much as possible.
Routines also diminish the amount of time unproductively spent staring at a wall (unless this is an intentional part of your routine).
By implementing a bedtime routine, you can help your baby fall asleep faster.
Taking Cara Babies says that by 3 months, babies can pick up on routines and they know when it is time to sleep. This makes it easier to put them down at night.
(Note: Taking Cara Babies is an excellent resource if you have more questions about infant sleep. They have a course and many helpful, FREE articles.)
How do I start a new routine?
Starting a new routine can feel daunting, but it doesn’t have to take a lot of effort.
In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear talks about habit stacking. Habit stacking is when we add one more thing to a habit or an activity that we already do each day.
For example, if you want to start washing your face with consistency, you could stack it on the habit of brushing your teeth. One thing that can help stack habits and build routines is to leave the things you need for each activity near where you do that activity.
The goal is to make the habit impossible to not do.
For washing your face, leave the face wash right next to your toothbrush. You can’t brush your teeth without seeing the face wash, so you might as well use it.
You can start with one new habit at a time, and then build into an entire evening routine.
What should my evening routine look like with a newborn?
Your evening with a newborn breaks into three parts: putting baby down, time for mom, and preparation for the morning.
We can focus on each of these areas individually. The routine you land on may look different than what I suggest, and that’s ok. Take what works for you and your family.
Putting Baby Down (6:00 pm – 7:30 pm)
- Dim the lights – Let baby know that night is coming and it is time to rest and get ready to sleep.
- Bath time and PJs – Clean baby up and change into pajamas. My baby is always ready to snuggle after bath time.
- Feeding – Filling that tank is going to help baby sleep longer.
- Bedtime song – Sing the same songs or read the same books to tell baby it is time for bed. I don’t sing our bedtime song during the day, so baby knows it is only for sleeping.
- Bed – Put baby down to sleep.
Note: Again, Taking Cara Babies is such a helpful resource here. I recommend reading their articles, especially if you’re having a hard time getting baby to sleep.
See what I recommend for bath and bedtime in my list of newborn essentials.
Time for Mom (7:30 pm – 8:30 pm)
- Shower – I like to shower before bed because my husband is home and can get the baby if she needs anything.
- Read or journal – Journaling during this time helps me get a pulse on my feelings, and I can record a story from the day. I limit myself to a page so I get done quickly.
- Spend time talking to your partner – Sometimes, my husband is the only “big person” I interact with during the day. This time talking to him helps me stay sane.
It can be helpful to hand baby off to your partner to put them to bed so your “me-time” starts earlier.
I recommend staying far away from social media during this time. It is a energy drain that will leave you feeling more tired than you were before, and you’ll only feel bad about yourself afterwards.
Focus on rest and doing the things that you like to do to feel like a person again.
Prepare for Morning (8:30 pm – 9:00 pm)
Do one thing that will set yourself up for success in the morning.
Maybe that means emptying the kitchen sink. Maybe it’s preparing your breakfast or lunch so you can eat when you’re ‘stuck’ under a baby again.
Whatever you do, do it quickly and then go to bed. You need your rest, too.
Don’t get too attached to the planned routine
The last thing you want is to be upset or frustrated that things did not go exactly as you planned.
Give yourself grace if things come up. Maybe you’re too tired to load the dishwasher. Maybe you stayed up way too late after putting the baby down.
It’s ok.
One night will not ruin your routine forever. It’s ok to for things to be less than perfect. Taking care of a baby is a lot of work, and you are doing so, so good.
Remember, it is just a season and you will be able to sleep through the night again.
Establishing a routine now, however imperfectly you follow it, will make it easier to get through this time.
Unexpected things ARE going to pop up. The baby won’t go down, a friend will visit later than you thought. Things won’t go your way.
What matters is that you feel prepared, and going into your evenings with any plan at all will increase your confidence make it all go smoother. If you shower more days than not, that’s great! You’re getting through it!
Eventually, a routine is going to help baby go to sleep and you feel better.
What does your routine look like?
Take a moment to decide what is most important to you at the end of the day.
Then, try it! It’s ok if things are shaky at first – that’s how establishing new routines goes.
Finally, let me know what works for you, or what you do to feel like you can tackle the next day.
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