Imagine this: You are sitting on the couch, running on two hours of interrupted sleep, holding a crying baby. The sink is overflowing with dishes, and you haven’t brushed your teeth yet. The phone buzzes…
“Congratulations, mom! So happy for your new baby! Let me know if you guys need anything. I’d be happy to stop by or drop something off.”
You reply: “Thanks! I’ll let you know.”
And then you never text back asking for help, even when you are really struggling.
Raising babies is not an undertaking that should be done in isolation. Instead, we should lean on our community for support. I am also guilty of failing to ask for help when I need it.
Why Do New Moms Struggle to Ask for Help?
There are many reasons we don’t reach out for assistance when we need it.
- We might not want to bother the person we’re asking.
- We want it to look like we can handle everything on our own because we don’t want to seem needy or incapable.
- Sometimes we don’t think the other person can do as good of a job as us. The inner perfectionist is talking.
These thoughts are whispers from the enemy, rooted in pride and aimed at isolating us from our friends and family when we need them most. They do not build unity or love in our homes and community. But Christ empowers us to change that.
What the Bible Says About Community and Asking for Help
Members of the early Christian community shared their earthly resources to help each other and to spread the gospel.
The Bible says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).
Being part of a Christian community means we share resources, including our time, talent, and treasures. If we never share our burdens with others, how can we expect them to share their burdens with us?
Christ teaches us to ask God for help, too. In one of his parables, Jesus describes a widow who is knocking on the door of a judge to ask for help. After enough times, the judge agrees to help her. Jesus uses this story to show how much God loves us and to tell us that we can ask for anything:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened” (Matthew 7:7-8).
Shifting Your Mindset: Receiving Help is a Blessing to Others
In Christian motherhood, we often think we have to be superhero moms. But building a biblical community requires vulnerability. We need to be able to change our mindset around asking for help.
We are not overburdening our friends and family—especially after they have offered to give us assistance. We are called to help others, and we can’t do that if there is no one willing to be helped.
Being needy can actually be a blessing for others because they are given the opportunity to provide for us. Now, this doesn’t mean we should only ever take and never give. We are called to help others and to be helped by others. Maybe you don’t have the time or energy for it right now, but in the next season, you can pass the blessings you receive onto the next new mom.
How to Ask for Help as a New Mom
Asking for help can feel incredibly daunting. Here are four practical ways you can prepare to ask for the support you need:
- Create a “Help List”: Identify what needs to be done and write it down. Oftentimes, when someone asks, “How can I help?” your mind goes blank. A running list keeps it easy to remember specifics (like folding a load of laundry or grabbing milk).
- Track the Offers: Believe it or not, when people say they want to help, they mean it. Keep a quick note on your phone of who reached out so you know exactly who to text when you need a hand.
- Don’t Be Afraid to Reach Out First: If friends haven’t reached out, it’s usually not because they don’t care—they are likely just trying to give you space. Don’t be afraid to text a close friend and say, “I’d love some company or a meal this week if you’re free.”
- Take It to Prayer: Ask God for the humility to receive. Start by asking Him to soften your heart toward accepting community support.
What Do You Need Help With This Week?
As a new mom, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and feel stretched thin by the new rhythms of our lives. The transition can be easier if we reach out to our community and lean on those who love us.
What is one small thing a friend could do for you this week that would take a weight off your shoulders? Let’s talk about it in the comments below. Then, I challenge you to actually send that text!
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